nothing left to hide

new land. new everything.

2008-02-23T21:20:00.002+08:00

But so dearly missing the old. Specifically, Tessie my darling. Just called home and Rock told me Tess ain't sleeping well, awaiting my return. Guarding my door and barking at 7 every night.
Baby, I miss u till it hurts. If only you knew that it is this hard on me and that every moment you are in my thoughts.

While I grocery shop in Queen Vic market. Thinking how wonderful it would be to find a job here and bring you over in this uber dog friendly place.
Where I can bring you to coffee places proudly, just like how you would deserve.

Nice strolls in this chilly weather and long runs in the park.

I miss you so much. Every time I see an animal, it reminds me of your soft fur, how it feels against my skin.

How I comfort you when you have nightmares.

Many kisses on your wet nose.

I love you so.

i love u nehneh

2007-02-28T19:11:00.000+08:00

We would always remember Neh Neh for her incredible zest for life.

To us, she was an embodiment of strength and wisdom.

Her thirst for knowledge was boundless.

She had instilled in us the life lessons: That life is a never-ending pursuit of knowledge.

That life would be a pleasant journey if we will it to be.

And that we must seize each day to live life with no regrets.

We are thankful for her wisdom and teachings.

And now, her steadfast guidance would surely be missed.

To be called home on Valentine’s Day, peacefully in her sleep.

It is not only an apt ending to an extraordinary life story.

But also the beginning of a wonderful and loving memory.

To Neh Neh: We carry you in our hearts forever. Nai Oin Ni.

Remorse

2006-09-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

Helplessness and guilt are what I hold in my heart now.

She was small, defenseless, injured, cold and hungry.

Yet all I did was provide her warmth, food and a box.

Ignorance is bliss. How true that quote is.

I wished I never saw her, heard her desperate cries.

I pray that wherever she is, she will find peace and the evil of the human heart would never touch her.

Lord, I pray for forgiveness for providing her with everything but a home.

Let me find peace with my actions.

Little time we spent, but you’ve wormed your way into my heart.

Now as I lay down to rest. It is you I think about, your cries I hear.

If our paths crossed once again, you will be mine.

Solace is what I seek.

Grant it upon me.

pain is my ethos

2006-08-27T16:43:00.000+08:00

Finally, my holidays. The time when all celebrate.

But my holidays, nothing much to rejoice for.

FYP

My team is crashing. My friends, turned against one another.

But hope, hope and perseverance. I think that can be a cause for celebration.

I know we can bring our team up.

I know I can move on.

I know I can be the girl I’ve always wanted to be.

Of course, the inkling of me getting a 4.0 this sem sure places the cherry on top of the cake!

I am so happy for you.

I hope you are for me too.

I’ve read it all. Against all better judgment.

Funny, I feel glad for you.

That you’ve found someone to make you fall in love once more.

See, the world is full of love. Don’t spend time hating it.

When time brings away all the pain. I’m sure I’ll remember the times we had it good.

It may not mean much to you. But it would for me.

And then, we could be true friends.

Hope.

A strong word.

A word of inspiration and my source of determination.

I met Mr. Neighbour that day! He walked me home. Like finally!

And Mr. Neighbour now has a name!!! Anthony =)

Nope! Not Poh like what Kor said it was.

So I guess I do not need my Tinkie Winkie anymore.

He gave me his name card. Told to me call when I wanted to.

Do I take it for real?

I mean could very well be out of politeness and networking.

Do I call?

To call or not to call? That is the question.

Maybe I could ask him for a game of pool. Or to tan.

Well there, I have 4 causes to rejoice for.

Now some causes for my friends to celebrate.

**I’m kicking him out of my system.

**I’ve started on my exercise routine.

**I’m going to do TONS of sprees.

- 80stees.com

- Drugstore.com

- Hottopic.com

- Delias.com

- Urbanoutfitters.com

- FBT shorts

- Birkenstocks

- Ae.com

- Majorlica majorca

- Taking in requests too =)

**I’m having a stall @ the gashaus flea market on 23^rd September

- Please come support me

- Any stuff you guys wanna put up for sale, lemme know.

**To know that I love you guys. Thank you for putting up with me all this while.

- Rui Qing – for taking the brunt of it all, hey!

- Cheryl

- Ting Ai

- Gena

- Trevor

- My brother

- Fen

- Pei Fen

- Ariana

- Hariz

- Wei Qing

- Umesh

- Amin

- Dorcas

- Natasha

- Kartini

- Fadzil

- Ying Ying

- Matthew

- Joel – so which Sunday? Attica? =)

From hope stems change

And with change I will triumph

Emerge stronger with victory as my steed

As the world came crashing down, I will rejoice because it can and will make me stronger.

our goodbyes

2006-08-07T12:34:00.000+08:00

It was never about the grades.

You don’t really know me do you?

If grades mattered that much, I would be in school everyday.

Before we were our fyp team.

We were friends.

We talked, we had fun, we worked hard together.

And that is why I am upset now.

Because we have been broken.

Grades are a bonus but friends are the real treasure.

Like how I know now, you aren’t worth my treasuring.

Its been great knowing you.

We had fun.

We had sorrows.

And now, we have our goodbyes.

Goodbye my friend.

With that trickle of red, I close this chapter in my life.

Goodbye my friend.

I loved you.

Don’t doubt that.

my day pics.

2006-07-27T13:39:00.000+08:00

my day.

2006-07-27T13:16:00.001+08:00

23^rd July.

4 days has passed.

The day I turned 19.

The day responsibilities stop being a myth. And become a reality.

22^nd July was the best day in a long run.

Long run along the avenue of bleakness and gloom.

We had a great afternoon.

Lounging, eating, hanging out.

When Jenn was late, you offered your company despite having to be somewhere else.

I declined, not because I did not enjoy your company.

But because I did not want to be your burden.

That afternoon itself was a gift.

One that brought me immense joy.

The evening wasn’t that bad either. From a rough start to rather cheerful happenings.

Midnight swims in boxers and bikinis.

Bitching about people who knew no shame.

Inability to blow out the candles

Prancing around while caught on video in boxers.

Lousy narration of birthday video.

With even lousier filming skills.

Comparable to the Blair witch project.

Teasing the sleeping Eugene whilst filming it all.

Pillow fights.

Pushing people of the bed.

Parading with only a towel on.

Making people blush.

Mocking horny bunny Qing incessantly.

Peeping at her hot brother. (tried to, was nightblind without my glasses)

Playing “musical chairs” without music around the $13000 chair.

More bitching.

Lazing around the bed.

SUPPER!

Which tasted horrible.

Sleeping.

Falling of the bed and hitting my head.

Sleeping on a bed with my brother and his girlfriend. (how weird is that!)

Was woken up by irritated brother.

Irritated brother was woken up by never ending doorknocks courtesy of horny bunny Qing.

He opened the door with a hard-on. (WELL GOOD MORNING!)

Disgusting oil swimming egg for breakfast.

Voyeurism with breakfasting.

Soaking in tub with horny bunny Qing and divine Kiehls dead sea salt lavender soak.

Seeing her slip in the tub and splashing foam all over.

Seeing her naked. Totally accidental.

Wondering if the body spray nozzles had her drowning.

Bitching about Victoria secrets sales.

Ordering brother around like a slave.

Checking out with the assistance of a condescending sissy concierge staff by the name of Bob.

Leaving the place.

Yearning for it.

I’ll be back there.

Soon.

With Qing.

Or someone else.

I hope would be you.

But I know reality has begun.

Its time I faced it.

The day of unforgettable joy.

Irreplaceable memories.

My regrets if I ever had Alzheimer’s.

Credits to:

Daddy for the room.

Mummy for spending moolah to make it all possible.

Jenn, Gene, Hong for my Germany world cup edition Havaiannas, cake.

Horny bunny Qing for my Havaiannas tops in white.

My ever dearest brother for the cupcake like bikini. I love.

William for making it all possible.

Sergeoh for the pig alarm clock. (how apt!)

All my aunts/ uncles for their red packets.

Lastly I would to say thanks to all my friends for their well wishes and their company on that special day.

Sealed into a memory I’ll hold on till my neurons flicker out of life.

no man is an island

2006-07-27T13:16:00.000+08:00

FYP brought the ugly side out of many of us.

All of us have one. But we hide it, or keep it at bay so we can be nice.

Your actions, unveil the ugly ones in our team.

We are yours.

Why crack us, why bring this ugly side of us out.

It does us no good.

When you made the comments, I sulked inside but I believed in our team.

I thought I knew it would never crumble. What we had.

Yesterday, that message. It is starting.

The die has been cast.

We have to see it before it is all too late.

We are magnificent.

Let not this trivial matter sink us.

My heart aches when I see how all of us put on that façade.

Since when have we stopped being true to each other?

Its only half the race, lets grab what we have left and do the best we can.

TOGETHER.

No man is an island.

I need you guys.

All of you.

I need you all.

We need each other.

Do not let this bring us down because we are better than that.

undesired solitude

2006-07-27T12:51:00.000+08:00

I’m scared. I truly am.

Where are you?

Have you forsaken me?

It is our problem, yours and mine, if you are not in it with me.

I am essentially alone.

Thanks to all my friends who are trying to go through this with me.

I love you guys.

But I have to stop being your burden.

I am strong, if I have to do this alone.

I will do it.

I can do it.

With Him, I can.

maybe i'm afraid of the way i love you

2006-07-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

I may have said countless times. This has to stop.

This time, I know it is for real.

You have said many times, I mean nothing to you.

All your actions are congruent.

It is time I see it.

This is the time.

I woke up this morning, feeling as unwanted as every morning since that Sunday.

But today, it did not hurt as much as it did.

Maybe I’m afraid of the way I love you.

I know you will always be there for me as a friend. That is more then I could say for those around me. Even the closest to me.

That’s why your actions never made me leave you.

Like I said before, no matter how ugly it gets between the both of us. You will always be that friend. The one I count on. The one who would be there for u.

I enjoyed all the fine times we had. I regret all the things I did to you. The only regrets in my life.

I wish you happiness. Every night before I tuck in. You would be the one I pray for.

For happiness, for peace and for strength.

When it gets hard to bear, remember you are not alone.

I cannot help you fight your personal demons but I can fight for you, make sure no demons get your back.

I love you very much. As a friend. As a lover. But nonetheless, very much.

I am ready now. Finally ready, to fall.

I need time now. To be alone, to fight this demon myself.

But I know you are there and that is enough.

Goodbye for now my sweetheart.

We would soon be together. Friends.

To all my pals facing emotional turmoil. I will be here for you guys.

I am not stronger than any of you. But I am not weak because I have all of you.

Let me be here for you.

FYP is coming and know the jitters we all face.

But we are better than this.

Lets just clench our teeth and show the world what we are.

Because we are great.

All of us.

Anyone can be great as long as pushed ourselves to the max. And we all have.

So just take a breather.

It will soon be over and it would not be bad.

my choice

2006-07-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

Follow my heart.

Live with no regrets.

I can deal with pain, with hurt because lessons will be learnt.

What I cannot deal with would be regret. Thus my choice.

To the people who love me, I need to know that although you guys are not behind my choice. You guys would be there for me.

It’s hard to rationalize my decision because only I see it as rational.

I regretted the way I treated him in the past and it’s something I find hard to live with.

This time round, I do not want to regret.

Many of you might wonder, what I am doing now, clinging on pathetically, wouldn’t I regret that?

No. I wouldn’t.

I hate to admit it. But at this point, its staring back at me, I am in love.

Blinded by it.

In love with a guy many of you would want to slay.

I expect nothing in exchange for my actions.

“She’s cheapening herself!” exclaim many.

Because I expect nothing in return. But isn’t that what they call unconditional?

Expecting nothing does not equate to not hoping.

I hope. Very much I do. That one day he will see it.

But I do not expect it neither do I want to pressure him into anything before he is ready.

If you ever read this. I hope you see now with clarity that I do not expect anything in return.

Do not force yourself.

I was never angry with you because to throw away our friendship over a little jealousy or minor issues would be a waste.

However ugly it may get between the both of us.

Remember I am always here as your friend.

Because a friend means more to me then anything else.

Matt the Nomad

2006-07-04T11:54:00.000+08:00

So surreal it seems that finally he is back.

But all has changed, no longer the carefree kids we were but all weighed down by the responsibilities of our age.

No longer as sheepish as before, ET has changed. Haven’t we all?

It is funny where the twist and turns of life may bring us, to places we never thought we would be.

Literally for our nomadic Mattie who spends his night at different places every night.

Well at least once my lovely bro is back; he wouldn’t have to be Matt the Nomad.

Spent the past days with ET and for awhile, all my sadness aside and I am back where I was 2 years ago. Single and very happy.

But I have changed. Still single, sometimes happy but best of all, I am confident now.

And yes, the minor things, drinking, smoking, staying out late.

I missed him so much. But now that he is here. Shouldn’t I be on cloud nine?

Do not doubt that I am glad to see him. Because I am. My major crush of 2004.

How could I not be?

Sometimes I wonder, could he be my summer fling?

To tide me over my emotional turmoil, but if I ever went down that path, would I lose what I ever was?

I talk about him, I show you his pictures; not to spite you or incite jealousy, only to acquaint with the people who mean a lot to me.

It is you who holds the key to my heart.

For now, it is you who makes me happy.

So if you have thought otherwise, I am beckoning you now, take this shot.

For both of us. Because after all those twists and turns we each took.

Look where it brought us.

I believe that if we came together once again, it would be for a reason.

Why take the chance you may ask.

Its better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.

He means a lot to me, but you mean just as much as he does.

It is you whom now I love.

i love u

2006-07-02T17:11:00.000+08:00

I never expected to be back here.

Down by the crossroads once again.

To throw in the towel and walk away with my heart reeling from pain or clenched my teeth and stagger on forth are options I left myself with.

You once said curiosity killed the cat and now here I am, the dead cat walking.

I should never have wandered down this path but the very moment you asked me to, my heart melted and all rationale washed down with the stream of deceit.

What we had were built on lies and that’s how you thought would have ended it.

But calculations could never account for the anomalies and that is the only way I could describe what I did.

I held on tight, so sure you would notice and feel the same for me.

And I took the leap of faith.

But as I read those confessions of yours, with every word, it crushes me inside.

It never bothered me that I was neither famous nor popular because I knew I mattered to those around me.

And as I see my non existence flashing on your declaration I know I have gone to my deepest end.

Anymore down the rabbit hole and I’ll lose what I ever had.

All I ever was.

Like someone once said: “It does not mean when you let go that you will fall”

So now I’m truly ready, to let go my hold and let Him hold on for me.

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Only the best for you.

But this is where I stop being the reason you are happy. So I can be happy myself.

I love you. But I love me more.

Call it selfish. I call it human.

presence unfelt

2006-04-04T19:18:00.000+08:00

It’s funny, how now that I am older, I want my parents to be part of my life. I try hard to get them to be integral in my decision making process but now roles reversed. They want no share of it anymore. Conveniently quoting “I trust your decision” but do they mean it? Or do they want no part when the decision results in regrets? I try to convince myself that that is not the case and that they really feel I am mature enough to decide the best for myself. Particularly you daddy, am I no longer worth your time because of my choice to pursue a diploma instead of being the daughter you wanted in a junior college? And because of that, I am forever condemned and no choice I make would be a difference anymore that even a tv serial you were not interested in was more important?

Yes I made my decision, but I wanted you to be part of it, to see it from my perspective. Did you even try to listen to my options? Did u realize that yes I am not the best in school but I am close to being the best I can be? But I guess I am no longer good enough. No longer important enough and the television gave you more than I could. Did you see how close to tears I was when you said you were busy watching tv when I wanted to sit down and discuss my options again with you. I need your guidance however much you would like to deceive yourself.

I need you daddy. To be with me. But as I see you sitting there watching the television, I do not feel your presence.

Why wouldn’t you walk with me anymore daddy?

I want to be daddy's girl once more why is it so hard?

perfect

2005-12-04T01:08:00.000+08:00

why am i always never good enough for you. first all the grades, then it was the school, then it was the music, the dressing, the mannerisms, the habits, now, i am just to fat to be your daughter that you can be proud of.
when will it ever stop? when will i ever become daddy's little girl, how much more must i change?
i can't take it anymore, i love you alot, but it is my own demons to fight. i did not mean any disrespect that, i just wanted some respect. all i ever want is be good enough for dad.
i love u

natural masochists

2005-08-09T03:28:00.000+08:00

Are we all natural masochists? How do we define love? Does it mean that only because pain is felt when expectations are not met do we consider it love? Why do we always hold a torch for those who inflicted pain upon us, pain meaning deep pain, pain that renders us useless and unable to function without bursting into sorrow.

You know it is you in my mind when I made this entry. As a friend, I feel utterly dysfunctional. I have been down they path of reconciliations and because of what I went through, I wish it to never be experienced by anyone I care for. On the other hand, I wish not to be selfish and let you learn it for yourself. I know it by no means is of my concern but I know how much it hurts and I know how much you have been hurt before too.

How do we define love? Pain = Love? Even in ancient times, God showed us his love which was measured in pain. He delivered his son to pain in redemption of us. Were we made to seek pain as a indication of love?

Whatever it may be, I feel that when we are hurt by someone once, it can bite again and we would have to break the vicious cycle to move on with our lives. I know that you are bordering the same path again but I want you to know, however much I wish for it to not happen, it does not mean I am not here for you. You stood by me, I’ll stand by you.

Finally legal

2005-08-09T03:09:00.000+08:00

Finally sweet 18, end of my road 17. Fear or not, here it is, and this is it. When the morning began with a call saying that my friends would arrive later then planned, I hope it was just a mere hiccup to my already falling apart plans, but as the day progressed with all the thunder and heavy rain that drenched my mates, I had a sick feeling deep in my tummy, was this a sign that my 18^th year was going to be a tumultuous time?

However, like always, my friends could always been counted on for a good time no matter how horrid the situations were and I honestly believe that it is because of this carefree outlook they possessed, the heavens must have been surprised and rewarded me with a great cooling air we experienced that night without rain drops falling.

I must say that I am deeply grateful to all who attended the BBQ and all the more thankful for the lovely pressies, I never expected so many of it and I guess like always, you guys are ever ready to catch anyone unaware.

Thanks Siewling, Jasmine, Weisheng, Peiyun

Thanks TingAi for the lovely flowers and cushion..i hope I can live up to the words it bears.

Thanks Kartini, Natasha, Jaslyn & Padmini for the lovely scrapebook with only 1 picture..=)

Thanks Kian for the 2 ultra comfy slippers.

Thanks Sue (I refuse to call you Charmaine!!!) and Eugene for the really handy Mesh bag as well as the tie up slippers (my bro keeps calling me Jesus Christ Superstar when I put that on, don’t you just wanna kill him!!!)

Thanks 99 & 9mu for the super pinkilicious reef slippers!

Thanks to bro and Caiyin for the adidas 80s watch, I simply adore it!

Thanks Zengrong for the absolut vodka! (how appropriate eh? Alcohol for my 18^th birthday)

Last but not least, thanks Mum for the party expenses.

I think turning 18 was all the reason to be happy, but if not for all my friends, it would render vacuous.

I have nothing more to say than that you guys have made me significant and I am proud being worthy of your friendships. I love ya all!

2005-05-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

Cheese Test: What type of cheese are you?

hahaha..my faci made me do the test to complete my RJ..kewt eh?
try it

i loved u - did u even care?

2005-05-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

When you brought me home i was full of hope..*someone to love me at last*...
you showered me with attention and brought me everywhere to show me off...
So many people told you I may have respiratory problem and it should be corrected
but you insist it's normal for me.

Did you know I find it hard to breathe?
Did you know i struggle to keep up?
Did you know that when the weather becomes hotter, it's agnonising for me to even breathe?Did u even care?

You did not even have time for me, but one day you brought home a sister for me. I
was delighted at first at having company but joy turned to dismay when you confined us to a tiny space for almost 15 hours a day.

Did you know how hard it is for us to manouvere?
Did you know how hard it is for us to even lie down comfortably?
Did you even care?

You go away for long business trips for weeks on end, and leave us ,
separately, in the care of alot of foster parents who take care of us better than you do. Sometimes I wish you do not come back at all.
When you could find no one to take us in, you keep us confined in our prison for almost 24 hours,
only having someone to come and bring us out for 30 mins walks and a meal before returning us to our prison.

Did you know how hard it is to hold our bladders all day?
Did you know we had to lie in our own wastes sometimes?
Did you know we run out of water sometimes?
DId you know we need much more exercise?
Did you know we need more love and attention?
Did you even care?

Sometimes our foster parents come to stay and take care of us.
Those were the happiest times of our lives.
They loved us, brought us out for long long runs, brought us treats, played with us and gave us so much freedom.
Then you fell out with them and deprived us of that as well.
Back to the prison we go.

Did you know how much we love our foster parents?
Did you know they care for us so much more?
Did you know they love us so much more?
Did you know you took away one thing we could look forward to?
Did you even care?

One day you brought home another new member.
My sister and I were happy to welome her and we hope maybe now there are 3 of us,
you would spend more time with us but how wrong we were.
You go away even more, and left all three of us in the tiny space which wasn't even enough for me and my sister.
When our new member got very sick,
you did not have time to bring her to the vet,
and I got sick too.

Did you know we could have recovered faster if you brought us to the vet?
Did you know how bad we were feeling?
Did you even care?

One day, our foster parents decided to bring us out.
We were so happy and looking forward to it.
They came, they felt us all over and they took us with them.
Our hearts were bursting with excitement.
I heard the concern in their voices as they felt my ribs,
and tried to pet us.
But we are scared, we are not used to so much attention anymore,
we are not used to being loved so much anymore...

Did you know how we felt?
Did you know we are withdrawing into ourselves?
Did you even care?

Now as I run among the flowers and grass in doggy heaven, I have never felt more free.
I don't have to hold my bladder anymore,
I could claim every tree for myself!
I wish I could bring my sister here!
I wish I could let my foster parents know that at last I am free and happy!

The last words of my foster parents resonates in my mind....
Please wake up....
but if you can't...
i know you will be happier.....

I was loved more by people who did not even bring me home and look at me everyday.

DID YOU EVEN CARE?

A passage to all those pet owners out there..how our darling may feel..treasure them when u can..and dun make them go thru what this beloved dog did..

beautifully written by Margie..

Tribute to my love one of 2 yrs

2005-03-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

It all began with a mere itch at the edge of the hole. So I simply remove the bar irritating it. Never expecting that to have such a major consequence, something I would take a while to adapt to. Reminds me of Ashton Kutcher’s - The Butterfly Effect, a movie I totally adore. Good cast, acting and a fabulously simple storyline with a twisted angle to it. A small action, a large effect.

To all of you guys, retiring a cartilage piercing may not be a big thing, but for me, I love my piercings a lot, and to lose one when I am entirely not prepared sure tops the list of what makes me upset. Why did I say I was not prepared? All I did was take it out for 2 nights and trust me, I’ve left it without a stud way longer then that before, so why different this time? I truly am clueless. I just know I miss it a lot. My navel piercing is gone, and now my cartilage piercing. I am losing it.

Constantine!

2005-03-12T17:29:00.000+08:00

Just caught Constantine recently. It really makes you reflect on how we live our pathetic lives. Do we want to end up in hell being ripped apart over and over again? I think the answer is pretty much all the same. NO WAY JOSE! Well, unless you are some sick masochist then well, I shall retract my claims.

So back onto the topic of Constantine, I am crushed! Keanu is so desirable, irresistible, appealing, alluring, seductive and tantalizing! What can I say but hey I am back into the sad game of idol worship. Well, I don’t worship him, but I fantasize. -fantasizing already- okok!..i see those raised eyebrows of yours. I am not some one of those kids with the doleful eyes that looks at no one else except some star. Nada nada! I don’t do those kinda schitt. I just appreciate the finer and more aesthetically pleasing things in life (also the reason why I hate the mirror).

Anyway, just as a review, if you guys are looking for a show with good action and not-so-good story, this is one for ya! For me, I watch it for the cute guy. However, it did somehow made me think more about my actions. I do not think I wanna go to hell now that there is a visual image attached to it.

Life update!

2005-02-28T11:41:00.000+08:00

She’s gone! Like poof! Sigh, poof! And she’s gone. Poof! And it has been a week! I can’t believe that it is so sickeningly boring without her in my life. If you still consider this living. Blah!

Well, at least the emails and the SMSes she sent me kept me going and the open house kept me busy enough to keep my mind off her absence. It is a bittersweet kind of emotion, horribly bitter because I miss her so much, utterly sweet because I know this is what she want, what she have been waiting awfully long for. What can I say; I am happy for you Charms. I know this will help you grow up, mature. Remember to talk more amongst your new pals, it is the first few days that you can make the most friends oh kays darling?

Another super big thing in my life is the interception of a new friend, she considers herself my divine substitution for Charms. -Roll my eyes- but I have to say she is a really nice friend who actually spent $4 to make a test tube with the following phrase ‘bitch of the year’ inside for me! What more can I say but a big THANK YOU! yesyes, I am aware that bitch is not a positive nickname but who the fark cares? I like it! So to express my utmost gratitude, I made her a tube as well, inside it reads ‘Canine of the year’! Describes her so well I need not say anymore.

Anyway, jokes and pranks aside, Dorcas u’ve been really sweet, I wish u evalasting bliss with -coughs coughs sputters- RED SOYA BEAN!
Hahaha, k k, truly without pranks, thanks Dorcas.
Charms, I am very glad you are settling down fine, I miss u a lot, but I know how much this means to u..so I’ll be rooting for u kies?..love ya darling!

Saint Valentine You Rawk!

2005-02-15T09:51:00.000+08:00

Valentine’s Day has finally arrived, deepening my feeling of lost. Matthew come back quick!!! It’s not exactly a day of love, more like a single awareness day, no no, pardon me, but I hardly feel the negativity of being single it is just that all the coupling on v day makes u feel so bloody singled out. Well, I know there are lotsa others like me out there and that still does not comfort me cause on this very day last year, I was out with Matthew and in case you guys didn’t know he was my crush. Now I still love him a lot but as a friend, a great one. I miss him a lot! Darn you Matthew, you promised not to let me be alone on v day! You liar!!!!

Poor Matt being ranted at by me on v day, muahahhahaha! No la, I just love ranting, honestly, being single on v day makes me feel great, I feel so loved by all my friends. I realize that being single does not mean being alone. Man! How many people are actually attached and loving? Not many in comparison to those who bask in the love from their friends. Rite charms?

Well you see, I ain’t flowerless on v day because I have a lovely and thoughtful friend who bought me a bouquet of TULIPS!!! See Matt? She knows me better, shame on you! Tulips are my favorite flowers, nope, not roses. Roses are so mundane, so mediocre, nothing spectacular for me to oOo and AaAaH over. Well, Lilies aren’t that bad either. -Wrinkles nose- Oh! Back to the topic, ya! I have a splendid friend by the name of Charmaine who bought me a lovely bouquet of flowers, came to my place and cooked me a delectable tasting sautéed swiss brown shrooms!! Yummy!!!!

Charms, I am so gonna miss you so much when you leave, well, today? You must really take care of yourself in Melbourne. The weather is eccentric so always be prepared ya? Remember to eat! Don’t skip your meals and please please so wear so seductively, I want no harm to come to you ok? Give me your mobile number over there and try to call back? I will be darn hell happy to receive a call or sms from you be it whatever hellish time.

I bought charms an elegant and purplish Sunflower bouquet! So we both were gallivanting down orchard road with our exquisite bouquets of flowers. Well, not such a pretty picture actually, we were trying to hold the flowers in the nicest angle while trying to hold my laptop, 2 bags of groceries and oh ya! The VALENTINE’S CAKE Charms bought!!! Will tell more about the cake in awhile. So we were flagging a cab, trying to. All of the friggin cabs were hired or on call, so we called for one.

Finally, we were resting so comfortably in the interior of the cab and horrors of all horrors, we realize the cake could have been smashed thanks to our outrageous flagging of cabs so we checked it. Luckily it was only smeared at the edges, no serious damage.

Reached my place and we took many snapshots at my house poolside. http://maliceiswadilove.multiply.com

Check out the pictures there.

After all the tiring photoshoots, we digged into the cake and mushrooms and I blended a delicious concoction of Avocado blended. Charm’s loved the concoction, duh! I made it!!

The v day cake came in a sweet lil box with a knife and 2 chocs with ‘I love you’ motifs.

The cake tasted of divine chocolate. I am craving for more!!!!

Oh no, will continue this later!! Lessons gonna start!

Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day to all of ya! I love ya all!!!

Depressing person? NOT!

2005-01-10T20:26:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps who read my blog, just wanted all of you to know that my blog looks kinda bleak not because I am a sad lil thing who has only depressing moments in life. Just that I only blog when I feel disturbed by something, so if you noticed, I don’t blog very often.

Thanks to all of you people, my life is a very happy affair, so do not take it that I am a very upset person too grueling to befriend.

Do not forget, without sad occurrences, we would never learn to cherish the happy moments.

However, I understand some of you wanna read about how happy my life can be so I’ll start a new blog which would feature stories of pretty pink flowers, of I love yous, of how jovial I can be.

Will let you people know the addie when I am done. Currently too busy with yes, you’ve guessed it, sad stuff again, my bloody UT!

So for the time being, bear with the upsetting articles but hey wait, isn’t this MY blog!? So don’t read it if you don’t like what I blog about!

Charms, Sue, Matthew, Aaron, SuAnn, PeiFen, Natasha, Gena and all my other friends who is always there for me. I love ya all!
Soon I’ll start a new blog and it will be all bout you wonderful people. Who are responsible in making my life a happy affair!

I am a GENIUS!

2005-01-09T01:08:00.000+08:00

Death is a word of morbid relation whose lingering presence is felt all around me. The tsunami and the death of my friend’s dog who is such a sweetie.

But hey! Death is what makes life so precious. It is like saying there cannot be happiness without sadness. It is death that makes us treasure our lives, our time and our loved ones. Death determines how we lived our life. Whether to ask that guy for his number (never done this but I swear I would one day!), to indulge in that exorbitantly priced chocolate, to skip that one day of school to hang out with your closest mates. We would procrastinate the things we wanted to do if death was not in our thoughts.

Man I am a GENIUS!! I figured what is the pivot in how I lived my life!!! It’s ironical isn’t it? That the one thing we fear most motivates and controls us the most?

And now I am imparting a new found theory to you all for FREE!!!

I am such a bogus.

Peace Out!

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T02:10:00.000+08:00

This blogskin fits me like a surgeon’s glove to his hand. I guess I have to change it to life of a loser instead of loner. Loners do not want to go out or socialise. Losers (like me) aren’t invited at all. Which is worse? Sigh.. DUH! The latter. (yeah haha..i can hear you laughing there.. go ahead..be a meanie)

It’s the new year, but here I am, blogging. Sad huh? My sentiments exactly.

On the contrary, at least I am still here. Not part of a heap meant for decaying bodies. We celebrate our new year on such a depressing note. Just an hour away to an island who are still mourning the deaths that the dreadful tsunami had claimed.

It seems almost surreal, 1 week and 125000 (and still counting) people have lost their lives. If you asked me, I would say that the number of deaths need not be that high if prompt announcements and warnings were issued. However, that is only my opinion. What has happened..already happened.
I am just glad that in this time of celebrations and joy, we have not forgotten to sympathize with the less fortunate. I pray lord, that you will guide those suffering through their darkest hours.

All I Want For Christmas.....Are My FRENX!

2004-12-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

Am I going through it once again?

Spare me u evil cupid. I’ve had enough! Just got over one and here comes number 2.
Kor, you are so bloody right and I hate it! Yes! I am emotionally weak. Never expected this but I guess you can never predict what is about to come.

Yes Margie and Andrea, you guessed it right, I like him. Sigh, sucks but yeah, nothing much I can do. Though while I am typing this I so wished I was there for the 6some! =X

Anyway Margie, thanks for inviting me for the chalet, I had a blast of a time because of you and drea’s company and crap from your darling dee.

No more jokes bout me and min kies? Feels..bad!
Thanks to Margie, Sue and Drea for the lovely pressies. At least I get to unbox stuff on boxing day. HUGS! I love ya all.

ET! found home! $1800 it takes!

2004-12-23T04:02:00.000+08:00

Sorry ET for being such a brat. All that tantrums (plus the GREAT preposition) I threw at you. You’ve been great handling it. I didn’t mean for it to turn out as it did but well, I don’t mind if it all came through! VET SCI HERE I COME!

You definitely get to keep half your assets. I won’t touch it! No worries.

Anyway, it’s getting cold there. Keep warm and miss me more!
More! MOre! MORe! MORE! Sneezing all day I can deal with. If you don’t, -evil laughs- I’ll rub salt into your wounds until you being a bloody XIAN CHAI! Good Boy! Can see you nodding your head, I give you a begging strip for that! -pet pet-

Take care kewtie!
Seeya soon -Evil grins-

Transgenic: Genuine/ Hypocritical What have i become?

2004-12-23T03:50:00.000+08:00

Is it a fight of pettiness or a fight of my horse is larger than yours?

I don’t get it. You getting all that competitive and yes, it is beginning to grate me. What is wrong with you? Just realized how out of it I have become, my own doing or just all beyond my control.

Contemplation to withdraw totally or just hang around in pathetic sake of less ugly moments in the future. It’s a choice I hate to make. Damn! Who even like making choices!

It revolts me sometimes to hear all the uppity talk. I may not be a hot body with a sexy charisma or whatever that makes me perfect but well, you aren’t that great either. In fact, many things you are repulse me. But hey, friends are not based on such things. Guess that’s why many of us have friends.

Sad or happy reality? That none of us is made perfect.

Charms, Thanks so much for ALWAYS being there! You have to bloody applaud this lady here. In being the perfect listener and perfect friend. I would be severely handicapped when you leave on 15th feb. I love ya a lot darling.

Thanks marge and drea as well, you guys had been great friends. Thanks for the memories.

24 Hours But So Much Change

2004-12-15T14:47:00.000+08:00

I can't believe it! Can you believe it? My everdearest ET is ATTACHED! YES!!

Man! He's been single for as long as i could remembered asides from his unrelenting crush on Tiffie. This guy has been single! Now, it has all changed. His is attached to a korean hot chick!

See I told you! You are bound to get attached to a Korean hot chick! Haha. So I guess you will have a home cooked lunch everyday. What else you told me, Let's see~ Oh ya! You said they would super obedient you bloody MCP!

Sigh, so gonna miss the times when I could flirt with you. Not that I can't now but I might just end up with a slap on my face~

Haha. It's gonna be all different. No more hugs and kisses. No more I love you-s. This sucks!

So mean aren't I? Selfish I guess. I hate change but what choice do I have. At least I have memories of you with handbags, gurlie shades and I AM A VIRGIN tee! Well, you can't wear that tee for long. -grins-

-sulks- I really miss those days. I really love you. Then.

Take care ET!

Tribute & Farewell To My Loved Navel Piercing -Sniffles-

2004-12-15T02:10:00.000+08:00

I did it!!!!!!! -APPLAUSE-

After much deliberation and encouragement, I finally retired my navel piercing. It is right now an ugly and angry red blotch on my round round tummy but I bet one day it would recover and leave a small reminder of what I once wore there.

This may sound weird but I MISS MY PIERCING! It has been hardly half an hour but I miss it already. I guess after wearing it for a year I’ve grown an attachment to it. How it conforms to my huge belly.

No biggy! Let it heal and I can hear you all jeering at me already but I WILL lose weight! I will do it and get a repierce! Let it come back in glory and bask in it.

You guys must be wondering why I spent all that money just to take it out. It had migrated and became a blemish. Like a hideous scar on my already hideous tummy. Plus it hurt sometimes and my bulging tummy did nothing to help ease it instead made it stick out more, putting it into harm’s way all the time. Every so often I bumped into it and it bled. How could I put it through more pain? I would only let it come back when I am sure it would be safe. Exactly why I have to lose weight.

It did for it’s short lifespan lived a life of the recovered until my evil brother snagged it in one of our brawls. After that it only deteriorated. A downhill up till now. To be removed and shoved aside.

Thanks Matt! Yes! Matt my infamous ET! If not for you, I wonder where I would found the courage to take it out and not look back. Thanks for being there. No worries bout the Korean chick there are bound to be millions of others waiting in line! HUGS!

I really love my piercing! Hugs and Kisses to you babe~ I will have you back! No worries.

And of course! I love you Matt! How could I not! HUGS!

Word to all my friends: From now on, tell me I am fat and ugly and I’d better start losing weight! Thanks peeps! I love ya all!

Paranoia

2004-11-24T14:16:00.000+08:00

I sense the negativity around me. Or am I just losing it?

Paranoia and apprehension just seem to have such a strong hold on me. I know I need to relax, to calm down and not think so much. Don’t get me wrong, I am in no relationship trouble, just suspicion on the friendships around me cloud my mind endlessly.

I have two preety close friends; amazingly, we only knew one another like a coupla months? We went all clicker frenzy over the horrid but no doubt uplifting Christmas decorations Orchard road is laced with. Check out Andrea’s or Margie’s bloggie for the photos and the exact accounts of how I spent my weekend.

It all seems so great. Yet I feel such a strong obsession that they dislike my immature company. No offence babes. Maybe it’s just pms which I seriously hope.

Puff, I feel so guilty that I can’t be there for you. However much I said I do not bear the guilt. I certainly did. I saw it coming. Since the very first day you stepped into my house, my chaotic yet surreal life.

Drag queen you people might call me. Emotions in my opinion cannot be impersonated. So hey, this is my blog. You don’t like it.

Then bugger off then you peewee farkers.

Your inferiority exudes from the little pores on your body.

Your opinions mean nothing to me.

These are the times I feel happy to be alone.

Go wAnk YoursElf UsEless JERKHEADS!

2004-11-22T09:32:00.000+08:00

Are all guys so bloody egoistic?

It really baffles me. Their narcissism. The world does not revolve around jerkheads aka guys.

I am not as boy crazy as all of you imagine me to be. I haven’t liked anyone else since I-have-no-idea when. Even the one guy I like isn’t right here in Singapore. Why I like him? One huge factor is because he is not near me!

Commitment is one thing I cannot bear. So do you think I would like you? NO! The reason is obvious. Wait, unless you are an ignorant, egoistic, narcissistic little peewee. If that is the case, I surrender. No sense could get into that self revolving tiny brain of yours (I shall be nice and still call it a brain).

Maybe why guys have so much time to imagine their little fantasies is because their brains can’t process anything more complex. More complex and their pea brain goes KA-BOOM!

Well not all girls are boy crazy or at least would not be over the guys I know. So go wank yourself till you lose your second head as well.

Guys around me, if you think I like you, unless your name is Matthew Tan Peng Nian, go wank yourself because in my world, I don’t fall for guys inferior to me.

Feel flattered Matthew.

Aren’t I nice?

3 Bs

2004-11-18T01:24:00.000+08:00

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

For every time I am upset. I will be equally happy.

Like I said I felt great with my friends. This really crazy bunch of bitches. I guess u can say I am bitch, Andrea’s bitchier and Margie is obviously bitchiest! Ha-ha. Can you imagine we actually showered together in one tiny bathtub! Up till now I am still appalled and amazed how we did it!

The outing would have never been the same if not for the both of my bitchy friends. We just can’t stop doing it. Non stop, 24/7 bitching!

Well, I just feel so comfortable now. This bunch of buds pampers me (I am the youngest!) plus we all have similar interests like our dogs (nono, we don’t bitch and do nothing else).

Well guys..just wanna say I love ya peeps!
It’s great to know ya all!

Answer My Calling

2004-11-17T23:47:00.000+08:00

I am so lost. Do we always need someone to help us focus.

I am having so much fun with all my friends but when I get home, all I am is but an empty shell. All those feelings I felt. Vanished. How I wish someone could enter the picture. Give me direction. Something to put feeling to.

Well, I guess I am like most of my friends. In search of that somebody. However much I despise what I desire. I still yearn for him. That special him. Is he there or just part of what I wished was there?

Always questions, never answers.
I hate this

I Miss You

2004-11-09T11:02:00.000+08:00

Dashed hopes.

If I ever had any in the first place.

I need no confrontation. Inference is all I need. This world ain’t the one to consent my liking for you.

Different experiences and walks of life. We are just different. Being different here means no future of being together. Not that I wanted a lifetime with you. Oh please! Spare me that crap. I told myself never to believe in love and I can’t reverse that. So screw all that love you for life thingy. All I wanted was just a snippet of memory of my time with you.

Now I know the meaning of undercurrents. Precisely how I would explain our similarities yet differences as well. On the surface, all calm like how similar we are, a uniform area with no blemish or ripple but when you look beneath the surface, our differences stares back so blatantly. What that matter lies beneath the surface.

We are different.

However, I still feel that attraction. Even knowing that you are so far both in mind and distance.

I give up now.

Moving on.

Which Head Do They Listen To?

2004-11-08T18:47:00.000+08:00

What's the difference between men and women?
A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need ... A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.

How are men and parking spaces alike?
The good ones are already taken, and the ones left are handicapped.

What is a man's idea of helping you with housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

How are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.

well..reasons why i detest men..
In my opinion..most of the above are true..no offence~

Took these from Andrea's blog..which she took from Keith (wonder whu?) Anyway, thanks Keith!

Human intelligence sickens me

2004-11-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

Bowling for Columbine, anyone caught it?

I am sicken by the doings of another human. Is this what we want?

All that intelligence riddled with sadism? Anger? Or such hatred, is that what we could only do?

Peace is a dream of the future.

I doubt we would ever be able to feel it again.

The similarities of the media coverage in America and Singapore begin to have a striking resemblance. Is this what that sells? Violence? Fear?

I guess if only we sat down and thought before doing something we know is wrong whatever the reason. Maybe there would be a tomorrow. For us or our future generations.

IF only.

Solitude

2004-11-08T13:57:00.000+08:00

Like my blogskin?

True expression. The internet, my canvas.

Although I have friends all around me. With me all along the way, I still feel lonely.
Depths of which my friends cannot reach. I feel the insignificance of life. The path of solitude.

I cannot believe that I would reach this crossroad in my life again ever since John. However much I detest guys, I cannot believe the loneliness I harbour once more.

Solitude a life I once seek.

Once attained, the lifestyle I wish I shunned.

What am I to do?

is it jus me?

2004-11-08T13:07:00.000+08:00

I felt so flattered when I saw your email in my inbox.

However doubt clouded my mind. Were you who I thought you were, arrogant and all?
You turned out to be a contrast of my perception. Nice, sweet and fun.

Flattery is one thing, emotional entanglement another. Which category do I belong in now?

Flattery I doubt, you are nice to everyone.

No more being special.

Hate reality.

Blessed Life - Tranquility Reigns!

2004-11-04T15:55:00.000+08:00

Happiness engulfs me as all your concerns pours in. I feel blessed to have friends like all of you. AWwWww, C’mon you know who you all are! I LOVE YA!

Anyway, I have to say that the feelings that fills me now are beyond words. I am thankful that I have such friends. Andrea my leetle kewt gurlie mate, Jerry, who is NOT an uncle but like my big bear brother! Charmaine, whom is helluva busy with her O’s but nonetheless made time for me, I love ya babe! Gena, fellow rafflesian and partner in crime quite often! Thanks dearie for the kisses! Ah Puff, who up till now I still wonder how he managed to tag my blog! Nevertheless, I love u a lot too! Can’t wait to see you this Wednesday and you can salivate all over Tessie ( I’ll mop..no worries!).

And of course, nope, you are not forgotten. Jonathan my new found friend in RP (who is the school beau! Gurls drop me a mail if you wanna noe him..hehehehe). I’m gonna say this again..YA NICE! And KEWT..and SWEET and…uhm..the list goes on! I made yer day and you made mine! Hopefully flattery lets me meet Kayo one day..hee..

Hey, you guys need not worry about me. I have all of you! What bad stuff can there be in my life!?

HUGS & KISSES!

isolation

2004-11-02T09:37:00.000+08:00

Loneliness has been in my heart again. That emptiness. How can I fill it to make me feel whole again.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love Tessie and she is still a very essential part in my life and no, it is not that she did not fill my heart with happiness and love. It is just that a void just opened again. A new void.

Could it be because I no longer have a focus in my life? No more lovey dovey focus?

I guess I just feel so lonely. I need a love in my life. Maybe not love. Just someone.

A lover maybe?

I must really sound like a maniacal despo. I am really not one. Deep down inside I doubt I am alone. How many of you out there when reading become afraid of the striking similarities on what we feel? At least I dare to admit it. And I m so proud of myself!

I feel like a ton better after writing it all out. Laying my vulnerabilities to world yet, I feel so tranquil. Weird ain’t it?

But hey, L*** the four letter word is weird. Unexplainable and inexplicable.

Maybe I need friends. My classmates, once I knew as friends now have become a circumstantial friendship. Only there because we are classmates.
Thanks Andrea for always being there. Even when you dumped me at the rails to learn blading myself. I knew it was for my own good. Thanks to charms, even now when you have N**, you are still there for me. I love ya peeps!

Languidness

2004-10-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

I have been so down these few days. I really begin to wonder, what have I become. A zombie walking a round in the day.

A slave to my insomnia.

I have been feeling bothered by some presence. Is it my overactive imagination sparked by the infamous Chris. Or is there really something. I believe in the supernatural. I believe also in co existence with it as well.

Whatever it is. I think I need to lay back and really relax.

Peace is what I yearn for.

Rest is what I need.

Bestow it upon me.

All.Over.Again

2004-10-12T09:17:00.000+08:00

First day at school all over again.

Don’t we just love the first day in school? See our friends again. First day and the teacher expects less from us.

Well my experience today ain’t such a beautiful picture.

First of all, we did not change class. No no, don’t get me wrong. I love my classmates but I love change as well. Isn’t knowing more people better? And also because we work in teams, having the same class back again where we know one another’s good or bad traits we have close ourselves to new perception and would result in bad team work. My team today was not bad but I guess we were all “rusty” from the holidays and forgot how much the g101 and likes kind of module demanded of us.

Well that will get better won’t it?

Secondly, my team’s presentation sucked big time! And help me! Don’t leave me to die all myself when we are posted questions. PLEASE! It is bad enough that our ppt sucked so bad the facilitator had to point it out.

Thirdly, my parents sort of grated me today. Big deal your are stuck at the causeway! Ain’t my choice for you all to go on the trip. So leave me alone about your frustrations.

Last of all, SCREW MSN! Okay, I know you give us a free messenger service but if you want to provide a free messenger service at least do a good job! HELLO~

Well, that sums up my exasperations of the day. I guess being my “red flag” day I am feeling very grouchy, moody whatever you call it.

All that negative energy I feel. I think I needa learn taichi or something.

Ward it all away!

independence--anyone?

2004-10-07T01:46:00.000+08:00

Been like ages since I last blogged. Well, much has happened.

Too much for me to process but that’s our point of being here ain’t it?

Challenge the obstacles dealt upon us. Triumph over it.

I hate blogging when using someone else’s computer. Thankfully I am finally using my own laptop. Laptop just reformatted. Lost all my stuff. All those pictures. Once a visual splendor, now only resides in my memory.

Thankfully they are etched in my memory at least.

We’ve grown overly dependent on technology, is technology what we created or what have govern our potential?
It’s frightening, the thought of it that technology rules us. Have we lost our natural instincts? Our senses?

Some days I crave for the primitive life I would truly embrace.

Don’t we all?

Answer our calling.

Event Of The Year - Tessie Birthday!

2004-09-20T18:17:00.000+08:00

Birthdays are always a cause for happiness. Well, at least for me.

I am obsessed with birthdays. They should never be slipshod. All around me benefit from my senseless mania over birthdays. To others they are just mere days.

Mundane, mediocre days.

This year, I organized a surprise bash for my bro’s 21st. A helluva party for my eva sweetie love to itsy bitsy pieces CHARMAINE! My dad’s party also took him by surprise, Isnarti’s as well, and the list goes on!

Precisely why Tessie’s should not be an exception! She should have e longest bash since my bro took the biggest bash this year.

Tessie’s bash would be over the course of 4 days. 4 different parties for 4 different groups of her friends. Whoa she has more friends then I do!

Well, the 1st one on Thursday was for my family. Aunts and uncles, mama papa and of course Tessie’s financial mama! It was like any other celebration but instead of a human cake, a cake for dogs was the choice. Tessie definitely seem happy and my aunts praised my breaded chix! WOOHOO!!!

The 2nd party was not really a party. It was just some pampering from me on her actually birthday.

The 3rd party was for the people from Pets.Com. An online forum. They are like the biggest bunch of true animal lovers. All love their pets just to love them. Unlike some people. We ate pretty much the same stuff as on Thursday. Same for me but not same for them. It was darn helluva fun and I have to say although it’s very cliché. I have found my calling.

Sunday’s party was well, had a good and bad side. The good part is that I did not have to struggle with 2 dogs all the way to lot 1 and that the party was quite a long 1. The bad part was that that darn b**** backed out last minute. 2 people can’t manage 1 dog. My goodness! Who is the owner!! Thanks to that Steph and I had to fork out extra 5 bucks.
However, at least the party was a longer one where the dogs could mingle and just be dogs and not some rushed party in front of everyone.

Well, Tessie if only you could surf the net and read this but I am still gonna say it regardless.

I love you!

Seeking Answers, now found

2004-09-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

Merriment filled was my Saturday.

Questions all vanished as I affirmed the love of my life.

Tessie is the light in my life, the one that guides me thru my darkest hours. I feel so confident when she’s there like my shield. My physique does not matter to her; my facial value of no purpose to her all I had to give her is love. So little to ask from me when she gave me all her heart and she gave me all the confidence I needed.

The world can judge me for all I care because I know you love me.

Sentosa was rawking baby!! And it is all thanks to pets.com! Hey any pet owners join this forum it is bloody happening! All the outings they organize, one outing and I am HOOKED!

We had like a day of lounging around with our pets and their fur friends. How often can you have that man! Thanks to Zann, Jerry, Andrea and Ken. The outing was all the more fun with their presence.

Today I found the answers I have been seeking. Love is what I need. In Tessie have I found it.

I love you darling.

The beacon of my life.

Surreal Idealistic - Makes Me Sick

2004-09-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

Lesson learnt today, life is not fair.

How many times have you felt that way?

I feel that RP had taught me a very valuable lesson, that life is indeed unfair.

I’ve learnt to accept such is the reality existent in the world I reside in. Unfair it may be, but you got to say that’s life ain’t it?

The grading system in RP sucks big time but I got to admit, theoretically the PBL approach to learning is a good idea. However, the keyword in that sentence would still be THEORETICALLY! The flaws of the system have led to feel dejected and lose hope in my work. Lose the fervor in learning and all the zest I used to embrace at the beginning of the day. Is the work worth my effort? I know learning is beyond grades but these are just ideals! Reality shoves that theory away; in its place it is just a meritocratic basis on which we attain our life goals.

I really ponder on the goals in my life, are they really for me or for the surreal society I dwell in.

It is a food for thought. Are all our lives for ourselves or for the milieu we inhabit. Think for once in our life, really cogitate and examine our lives.

Pitiful they may be.

Reality TV - My Life

2004-09-06T09:49:00.000+08:00

Why do I always feel conflicting emotions?

I always feel that happiness with a tinge of sadness.

Are you really there for me? Or obligation is what that keeps you there?

Stoic is what I should be but my ability to attain such status is a question. All I really wanted in life and it all boiled down to my determination. All the mayhem in my mind as I barely hold my sanity and strut around, continuing with life as if order ruled my life.

My psych is disintegrating as I go on with my happy act.

As we gathered that day reminiscing our times we spent together. I felt the spirit leaving us, we are losing it. Losing the grip of our friendship, would we have another time together this way?

Strive for perfection, falling short of it. Am I good enough?

When we were together, I sensed an act, an act of pretence. We all seem so happy but it felt like I was watching the tv. Where everything is unreal.
Toast to the times when we were truly felt blissful. I miss you guys I wish hard to have it all back.

Spellbound?

2004-08-31T01:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we just feel down.

Today is one such day for me and many questions in my head are still unanswered.

Orientation is what I seek for all I feel is mayhem around me.

I feel drained. Drained while pursuing remedy for the state of confusion I bear. I know the answers are there but in the process, I lose the light. It’s a barrier from the ultimate goal.

I seek the answers.

Give me the strength to attain my goal or bestow the answers of what I inquire upon me.

I am tired.

A restless night awaits.

Hope is all I have.

Camaraderie

2004-08-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

First of all, THANKS CHARMAINE for the company you gave the entire day. I really enjoyed all the lounging around with you to talk to. Not forgetting the yummy black peppa chye sim and of cause watching 13 going 30 was much fun with you around. I love you darling!

Hmmnmn, nothing much to write about except how pleasurable it was to just chill out at a girlfriend’s place. Plus your girlfriend is like Charmaine. Darn, I feel helluva lucky to have a wonderful friend like her.

At least I did not waste much time today, woke up bright and early to go to the bank and settle me TX card. Woohoo!! I can use my TX card already. Shopping here I come baby!

Charmaine, if you are reading this, I still feel ya kinda depressed. Don’t keep it to yourself too much kies darling? I know what you tell me is only the tip of the iceberg, why confined all the sadness to yourself when there are many around you who care. Plus ya young and not to mention, beautiful, sweet inside out, your virtues are too many to name. kies dear? I LOVE YA!!!! HUGS

Darling ET!!! Where the hell have you been!!!!! Hahaha…I miss ya like nuts you bloody sheep! Sigh, I do not even wanna think what it would be like when your term starts, it makes feel down just thinking of it, but oh well, it’s for the better you lucky idiot! Hughug kies?

Friendship is essential for all.

Thank you to all my friends, I love ya all!

Murpy's Law

2004-08-23T00:52:00.000+08:00

Ever experienced Murphy’s Law?

The law of low expectations?

It is the law or principle that states that whatever that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Many have experienced this at least once in their life. For me, it will always occur when I want to buy something very badly. Phones, clothes, shoes, bags, you name it. Just a week ago, I went round all the sports link on our island looking for a pair of Puma shoes, one month back it was the Mambo bag and for clothes, it occurs so often I gave up remembering. The case would either be no size, no stock, not the colour I want and whatever crappy reasons you can come up with.

What triggered my anger towards Murphy today is the mobile phone I wanted to purchase. The Samsung E700A in dark blue. It’s not that I love the phone a lot but my current phone is screwing up too often recently and afraid that the value will depreciate again, I want to sell it off as soon as possible.

So finally, my Mama and I found the time to go down to starhub at PS. I have a $50 voucher which can only be used to starhub shops, no choice. We queued pretty long, almost missing our queue number plus the shop was ultra stuffy, bad air conditioning, no seating area at all, maybe just one pathetic couch that could only sit 2 to 3 people? See what I mean by all that can go wrong will go wrong!?

This is not the metaphor of bad luck yet! After a draggy wait of 90 minutes, our turn finally! After telling the starhub officer what phone I wanted, she asked: “what colour were you intending to get?”

“The dark blue one” I replied hesitantly, afraid of the impending disappointment.

“I’m sorry but there is only 2 silver sets remaining, let me check with our other outlets?” she answered me apologetically.

My Mum laughed, she knew what was going to be the answer after accompanying me on most of my shopping trips. Deep down, I know that phone was definitely not going home with me today. Sigh. I was so used to it but yet still so vulnerable to the inevitable disappoint.

All the outlets in Singapore do not carry the phone was the answer she gave me but she promised she would help me keep a lookout for the phone and reserve it if the stock arrives. I really hope to receive that call but I do not want to keep my hopes too high.

Once again, disappointment fills me.

All I can do is thank God that for other things I life I still have and Murphy’s law did not make me lose them.

Another thing, I MISS MY ET!!!
Where are you?
Haven't heard from you fer like 2 days?
=]

enlightenment - you are my light like i am yours

2004-08-22T00:49:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you had lotsa fun? Well, I have not had such a fun filled day since, hmnmn, a very long time ago? Today was one such day, filled with joy and crazy gurl stuff which of cux could not have happen if I did not have my dearie friend Charmaine Chan! The sweetest gurl I know and this comes straight from my heart, the thought of you going to Aussieland next year really makes me tear. You are one person that I feel comfortable just being me. Whatever happens, you will have me here for you.

Don’t wanna pry into your life but I gotta say this, you are still young, your feelings for him will pass. He’s kewt yeah, he’s nice yeah, he’s in sync with you yeah but honey, you are still young. Not that I am asking you not to feel hurt but it will pass, the light at the end of the tunnel. If ever you feel the hurt bad, prank my mobile, I promise to be your support till the light comes into your life kies? Don’t say you are not hurting, I know you better than that you little Charmander! –HUGS-

Well, the weather today was a definite disappointment! I woke up bright and early just to end up at Charmaine’s house to see the dark clouds dawning on her pool. THERE GOES MY SUNTAN! But what the hell! Screw it! I have Charmaine as company for Ramen Ramen at Railway Mall and boy was it YUMMILIOUS! Although not as tasty and delectable but the company certainly made it better. Of cause following the scrumptious lunch, we went grocery shopping!!!! WhEEEE!

We bought mochies, profiteroles (SINFUL but it’s worth it!), pasta with lotsa mushrooms (Charmaine’s fav) and ingredients to the making breaded chicken. We cooked at my place and Tessie went all crazy when Charmaine arrived. Today was definitely a designated day to grow fat. Or at least for me and Charmander. Heee

Dinner was without a doubt delicious, we made it ourselves! Sigh, however Charmaine had to leave pretty early but the highlight of the day definitely was the time I spent with you darling. –hugs-

That’s pretty much how I spent my day. Plus all the girl talk.

Simple but yet fancy

What can I say, company makes all the difference.

Unspeakable Despair

2004-08-19T12:32:00.000+08:00

Are there times when you wanna know about something so badly although you are aware when you probe deeper it would change the perception of your beautiful world and you would begin to hate yourself?

“Curiosity kills the cat”, many have used this phrase but only today have I found its true meaning. I wanted to know so much, reading PETA articles on their website (http://www.peta.org/ visit if you think you can stomach these cold facts), processing information that I knew would change my thoughts in a manner I was not ready to take a turn to but yet, temptation was so great.

Seeing the treatment meted out on those Chinchillas, chickens, calves, cow all the animals we farm for food products or their skin, fur.

We talk so much about humane death penalty of criminals who cold bloodedly committed crimes but why when it came to animals, animals with emotions and intelligence, we could just turn away and end their lives with such INHUMANE practices. They are innocent, and with their death only can they provide us with the luxury we have.

Why can’t we put more effort into easing their death?

They have already made that ultimate sacrifice, why can’t we sacrifice a little of the profit we gained from their death?

To ask the world to stop eating meat or buying animal products would be too much to ask. Just that small favour to make their short lives a better one, their death less pain is just too much isn’t it?

I feel so useless, so guilty.

How can a girl like me whose determination can hardly even get her to diet, do something for HERSELF, fail. What great things can I accomplish? How much can I help these animals?

I dare not preach or expect too much from the world, when I myself cannot even diet, much less become a vegan.

I know all this seems so dramatic, so unreal like speech from a drama queen, but this are my deepest secrets, my failures.

I seek for the answers to my prayers and cruelty of the world I live in.

No more perfect world.

Total nihilism but all is shattered.

bloody unlucky

2004-08-17T22:28:00.000+08:00

Darn..my shoppin luck has been this way eva since i could remember shoppin..everytime i see something i wanna get either it's the last piece or no size or the colour I want is outta stock..dammit!..i want that Puma Shoes badly..sigh..n it was so cheap!!..onli 50 bucks!..good deal yeah?..but sigh..that's life ain't it..
I went like from WestMall to Causeway Point to Queensway shopping centre, but to no avail..gRr..tmr i shall try ma luck at Jurong point..God..please let it be there..i really want it..sigh...
i keep putting on weight..jus weighed maself jus now..put on weight again..shites!!!!...i really wanna be a bulimic and weight could just fall off me..but genes is genes, u can neva escape it..no matter how badly u wanna rid yerself of it..
it is wad u r made of..yer core..
gotta learn frm ya steve..."IT'S LIFE!"
Neva great..haha..but anyway..i got another A today fer my enterprise module..YIPPI!!!..hehehe..at least i ain't doin badly in school..haha..but gotta say..i realli missed ya terribly and u always pop out at the times i wish u hadn't..making me yearn more fer u..hahaha..
Bloody free today..wrote a testimonial fer my ex school mate Ariana..this psychotic intelligent biatch..hehe..but she's nice..she is if she approves my testicle fer her...hehehe..U BETA APPROVE U MAD BITCH!..hahaha..hope ya like this paragraph i dedicate to ya my hunny bunny..muackx!..hahahaha..
gotta go walk my pooch..the love of ma life....hope ya die after reading this..-winks-

Finally!!..i got myself a bloG!

2004-08-17T11:10:00.000+08:00

Guess i am way too bored..
fancy gettin a blog..i was always anti online diaries..but i guess the temptation of spilling my guts out bout life is way too..hmnm..well..TEMPTING..
haha..Life today was pretty mundane..jus the same old stuff..except tat..haha..i'm dyein my hair blue again..sigh..gotta try new colours..life is too short!!!!
but..broke..so..WAD TO DO?..yeah..hmnmn
i'm beginning to get a hang of tis man..whoOlx~!...hehehe
gotta run now..dinner's waiting..whoopeEe..foOd!